Can You Stand Another Lena Dunham Parody?

I was as impressed and amazed by the quality and quantity of Lena Dunham parodies as I was disgusted by the ad itself. I’d LOVE to post my own, but I have several problems…

First of all, I’m technologically challenged. I find it difficult to select a movie on Netflx and negotiate through numerous remotes and input selections without aid from my husband or daughter (along with a lot of eye-rolling). I would probably be driven to a nervous breakdown trying to figure out how to post a video of myself on Youtube. Secondly, I’m in my late fifties, so trying to pass myself off as a hip, smug “gen-x-er” would take a lot of hair dye, plastic surgery and superhuman photoshop skills. Since I’m humble enough to know my limitations, I know I’m better off posting my parody in print form.

So, submitted for your perusal, GOP-ers is a piece I call:

 My First Time……

My first time…how I remember. I didn’t want it to be with just anybody, so I found a really…great guy..or so I thought. He was hip. He was cool. His pals were celebrities and he really seemed to understand women.

Almost immediately I began to have doubts. Despite all the parties he attended and the vacations he took, I noticed he was always broke and borrowing money. I thought it was cool that he was concerned that I had birth control and abortions, but he seemed to expect other people to pay for them. He told me about one of his old girlfriends…a Lilly somebody that wanted me to get equal pay for equal work; but I figured out the girlfriend was just a ruse, and all he really cared about was drumming up business for his trial lawyer friends by getting women like me to file frivolous lawsuits for pay discrimination. He really didn’t care if I even had a job at all. In fact, he seemed bound and determined to make it MORE difficult for companies to create jobs.

Now four years have come and gone. College age or not, it seems like 150 years. So many empty promises…so many outright lies. I realized I never could afford a bowling party, much less a beautiful, complicated wedding, like the kind I see on Bravo as long as I was with this guy. In fact the only time I ever heard from him was when he “wanted something” and more often than not, that “something” was a contribution to his campaign. And I thought he really cared! Since I couldn’t find a job after college, I had to be like…so uncool and move back home with my parents. At least they kept my old teddy bear!

Four years ago, it was a fun game to giggle with all my friends about who we were voting for. Now we get together and realize we’ve all been played for suckers by the same dude, right down to the same “Hope and Change” pickup line. The consequences were huge….mounting debt, high gas prices and a stagnant economy. I realized that all those “uncool” girls who “weren’t ready” to vote weren’t quite as dumb as we thought they were. If there were more of them and fewer of us, then maybe we could have avoided this nightmare! And those other “uncool” girls who “weren’t ready” for that….ummm other thing. They’re all happily married to truly great guys…guys with character who honor their commitments. Those “great guys” that I thought were so hip and cool four years ago…they all turned out to be bums and losers who didn’t want any kind of responsibility and were only interested in my “lady parts”. None of them have jobs either, and every one of them is living with his parents too!

So just like our old game we played in our college days, one of us said…"who you gonna vote for"…and they said “guess” and I said “Damn! Me too”.

I thought my first time voting was amazing. But I was a girl then, and now I’m a woman. I went to the polling station and pulled back the curtain and voted for MITT ROMNEY..because I realize I got screwed the first time.


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