Armadillo wrestling on a hot Texas night
by Bruce Bowers on August 19, 2011 at 1:38 PM
It was a hot and balmy night for 60th day in a row. For the past two months, the Texas sun had beat down like a Democratic lawyer’s heat lamp on Karl Rove’s head during the Valerie Plame investigation. Inside, a fellow and his two trusted companions heard the tell-tale signs of the culprit and they knew it was time for action.
The short, stocky one, the one we’ll call, “The Bull” was first through the door. Short and stocky. Yeah right. This fellow was built like a fire plug with feet. Broad at the chest and narrow hipped, what really stood out was this fellow's head. Yeah, his head. His skull looked like a Halloween pumpkin that had been carved by an unruly three-year-old with a dull knife. On the front of that head was a puss that only a mother could love. Floppy, hanging checks and a bottom row of teeth that looked like Scotter Libby’s finger nails as he awaited his perjury sentencing.
I wouldn’t call this fellow bright, although he did carry around in his head his own sound track to life. It went something like this, “dumm da dumm dumm, duummmmm!” This fellow was built for combat except for one problem, he was scared of the dark. After bolting through the door and out into the darkness, he stopped dead in his tracks and slidbehind the tall fella’s leg. He looked up at him with expression on his mug like, “Could be dangerous, you go first.”
Close behind them, came the lady of the group. As if the word lady could be used that loosely. She was a brown eye blond that could bat her eyelashes like a bullfrog in a rain storm. She sort of, sashayed, through the door instead of running. She had been around the block more than once. She was getting up there in age but she still had the short stocky fellow wrapped around her little toe like Joe Biden at a microphone stand with a “Talk here Stupid” sign on it.
She walked past Shorty, shaking her tail in the manner that she knew he loved so much. Only this time, he just stared out into the darkness. He wanted to know what was out there. “I don’t need any of your shenanigans right now lady,” he said with a quick look her way. She kept walking, the street light casting its hypnotic glimmers on her platinum blond hair. She had legs that other girls her age would give up a younger boyfriend for. All four of them.
The night came alive as the three turned and saw the grass assassin making his way from the front flower bed to the drive way. The tall fellow pointed his brilliantly bright flash light it the scurrying felon. The armor clad beast, stopped all four feet at once and reared up on his hind legs like a former blue dressed Clinton intern when the Oval office phone rang. Expecting something spectacular was about to happen, the three heroes’ froze in their tracks. Turns out it was nothing. The long nosed nocturnal gardener was just thinking, “Hey, what’s that.”
Getting an idea, the tall fellow held the flash light out toward the short fellow and said, “Here, hold this.” Then he remembered, “Shorty doesn’t have thumbs.” Now don’t get excited, no other English Bull Dogs do either.
“What to do?” thought the tall fellow. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, sometimes it takes a few seconds to get his wits about him. Yeah, sometimes he spits and spudders more than B. Obama when his teleprompter fries. It came to him, “I got it, I’ll shoot the little bugger.” But, as soon as the thought came, he felt guilty. “I don’t want to shoot him. He’s just doin’ what he does. Who do I think I am, Dick Cheney?”
“Alright” he said out loud to his fellow companions, “I’ll catch him and take him down the road and set him free. That way he won’t bother us anymore.” Yeah, that’s what he thought. It’s the same thought that the Republican Party has about conservative voters after an election. They spit out their voter base quicker than Nancy Pelosi does a sip of Tea, at a…well… Tea Party. But as they say, I digress.
The big fellow managed to get the flower digging bug eater into a 5 gallon bucket. After a few minutes of trying to wrangle the armadillo into the plastic paddy wagon, he left it setting on the ground in front of the long clawed hellion. Not having good eye sight, the miscreant gave the bucket a few sniffs and easily walked right into it.
At that, with the help of a soon to be Lance Corporal in the United States Marine Corps and said Marine’s beautiful companion, the wayward Texas armadillo was moved far away to an undisclosed location.
Yeah, undisclosed. Undisclosed like any plan to turn the economy around talked about by B. Obama. Yeah, undisclosed like a RINO Republican’s true Big Government beliefs. Undisclosed, like duly elected President's birth certificate and college records. Undisclosed like the Big Tent GOP and their attempts to stifle the Tea party conservatives and Pro-Life Christian voting block. Undisclosed, like…Well, you get my point.
What is it with my beloved Republican Party, The Grand Ol’ Party, and The Party of Lincoln? Why do staunch Republicans like Karl Rove have to attack and demean conservatives like The Tea Party, Christine O’Donnell, Sarah Palin, and Rick Perry? Is it because they are afraid that these folks can’t win a general election? Or, is it because in their heart of hearts, they are afraid that conservatives will win. Are they afraid that if conservatives win, they will take control of the party away from them?
With each opening of mouth and inserting of feet, GOP insiders continue to drive a wedge between the Republican Party and true conservative voters. The average, everyday conservative that has made up a major portion of the GOP voting block for as long as I have been alive is whom to I am referring. The only saving grace is that on the other side of the Republican Party’s attempts to, “Shut up and sit down,” the everyday people of this country, is Barack Hussein Obama and his statist, Marxist ideology.
Most of the Republican and conservative voting block is not made up of the New England style of inside the beltway, party loyalists like Scott Brown and the turn coats from Maine. It’s made up of everyday people from Texas, Georgia, Arkansas, Nebraska, Utah, Wyoming and the like. People that want to be left along to live their lives and raise their families. But they are not going to sit down and shut up any longer. We are not going to anymore.
We left it up to Republicans all the way through until the re-election of George W. Bush. After that, we saw that the GOP had become Democrat lite. We saw that the Republican insiders found us, the average American, just as disdainful as the leftist in the Democratic Party did.
It’s a dark and stormy time here in America, see. Yeah. Dark and stormy like the show down scenes in a great western movie. A reckoning is comin’.
Well, GOP, it's time for Hope and Change 2012. Conservatives Hope that they can get the GOP back to its conservative, small government ways. If not, come 2012 and no later than 2014, Change is coming. Change is coming and it will be coming for you.