'Twas the Night of the Gusher

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Earth,
Not a rig was idled, not even near Perth.

The tools were all hung in their places with care,
In hopes they wouldn’t be needed out there.

The day tour was nestled all snug in their beds,
While dreams of the fairer sex danced in their heads.

The company man was on duty—he was there at the spud,
He had just come in from a look at the mud.

We had just had a DWOP, with its teamwork and tools,
With the book and the teachers—the best of rig schools!

When out on the rig there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from our chairs to see what was the matter!

With boots barely on we ran out our door,
Tore down the catwalk and up to the floor.

The moon rising slowly over forty-foot seas,
Did not help to calm our now shaky knees.

When what to our wondering eyes should appear?
Environmentally safe synthetic mud—a gusher safe—yet so dear.

From the sight and the sound and the look and the feel,
We knew in a moment this discovery was for real!

More rapid than eagles the deep oil pushed it high,
And reached to the fingerboard, the crown and the sky!

No field could beat this one, the potential so great,
Not Spindletop, Brazil, shale fracing or Kuwait!

To the top of the list, more prolific than most,
This was the "mother of all discoveries" — no boast!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

Then the well was shut in when the BOPs closed,
But a challenge from the pressure below salt was still posed.

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the helideck,
The sound of the chopper, just coming to check.

As I bent in the wind and was turning my back.
I heard the big bird sit down with a whack!

She was loaded all down with cameras and gear,
Since everyone wanted to say they "were here."

A group of engineers she had carried to our rig,
And she seemed too heavy, her cargo was so big.

Their eyes how they twinkled, their dimples how merry,
Their cheeks were like roses, their noses like cherries.

Their mouths were wide open in obvious fright,
At what Mother Nature was showing that night.

They were chubby and plump, typical of office folk,
But they were smart and experienced and knew this was no joke.

A few nods of their heads and tugs on their chins,
Convinced me that they had what it took to win.

They spoke not a word but went straight to their work,
And tested their options, then turned with a jerk.

After printing the answers and giving them to our man,
With approving smiles, they summarized the plan.

At the sign of one driller, with the wind from the East,
We pumped through the choke and killed the beast!

And as someone exclaimed, as the plan worked just right,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

I wish each of you a merry and meaningful Christmas!
Very truly yours,
Mark S. Ramsey, P.E.


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