My Interview With Andrea Tantaros

I had the pleasure recently of interviewing the lovely and brilliant Andrea Tantaros.

http://andreatantaros.com/

Ms. Tantaros is a Fox News political analyst and a columnist for the New York Daily News.

A sought after political consultant, she excels in helping her clients with everything from damage control to brand marketing. She moves seamlessly from lighthearted conversations on “Redeye” to serious debates about policy on “Hannity.”

She does not mince words, and her clients benefit from this.

She is also one of the most beautiful women on Earth. Her Fox News videos have grown men salivating over her with more passion than any politico not named New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

(The relentless man crush conservatives have on him skews the data, and is therefore an anomaly.)

While easy on the eyes, she will make your ears bleed if you try to advocate liberalism. She is tenacious and smart, and yet still self-effacing.

As with any interview, I have broken down my interview with Ms. Tantaros into three parts. First I present the fake interview that never happened. Then in the great tradition of the Jayson Blair Times (a scourge of a rag and a rival to the paper employing Ms. Tantaros), I present a doctored version of the fake interview deliberately taken out of context. Finally I present the actual unedited interview.

Here is my completely fictional interview.

Eric: “Given that you are a Republican Jewish brunette, it was very sweet of you to accept the engagement ring I got you. Should we announce our union to the world or wait until after our second child is born?”

AT: “I am not Jewish. I have a boyfriend. I have never met you. You seem like a cubic zirconia kind of guy. As badly as I want to repeal Obamacare, a free market plan should be enacted that covers stays at mental health facilities. You need it.”

Eric: “Would you be willing to admit that in a past life, you have thought about me constantly and gazed at me with wonder?”

AT: “I am wondering about you right now, but I do not see that as something in your favor. I think you have screws loose, and if your next sentence uses either of those words, I may have to deck you. I would not let you touch me if you were the last man on Earth.”

Eric: “What if it came down to me and the New York Times publisher?”

AT: “I would declare civilization over.”

Eric: “You are tough as nails, and I am throwing in the towel.”

AT: “This is the right thing to do, and my life will be instantly better when you do as quickly as possible.”

I will now present the doctored version of this interview, using the writing skills and ethical constraints of the Jayson Blair Times.

Eric: “Given that you are a Republican Jewish Brunette, it was very sweet of you to accept the engagement ring I got you. Should we announce our union to the world or wait until after our second child is born?”

AT: “This is the right thing to do, and my life will be instantly better when you do as quickly as possible.”

Adolescent fawning aside (me, not her, for those further than three standard deviations from lucid), the struggle for the heart and soul of this country is a tough battle that needs hardened foot soldiers. Ms. Tantaros is an unapologetic conservative who will take on any liberal point by point. The Republican Party benefits from her youth, enthusiasm, and lacerating dagger of a tongue. When elegance is blended with facts and logic, the results can be a delightful cocktail appreciated by those to the right of Leon Trotsky.

Too many conservatives have weak knees. We need steel spines. That is where Ms. Tantaros comes into play. The GOP is lucky she is on our side.

With that, I present my actual interview with Andrea Tantaros.

Continue on to the interview here.

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Eric Golub is the author of The Tygrrrr Express. His books, Ideological Bigotry, Ideological Violence, and Ideological Idiocy are available now.

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